K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
