he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
