Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
