my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
