apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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