so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
