ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
