after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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