if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
