i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
