actually, I'm a sock model
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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