The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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