i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Randomize
