let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
