dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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