Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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