1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
