i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
