hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
