Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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