you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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