p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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