I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
