I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
