In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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