some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
