I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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