i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
