I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
