If i come over, it means nothing
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
