just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize