I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
