my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
