just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
