Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
