During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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