i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize