she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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