You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Boobs speak an international language.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
