turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
