I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
