I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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