At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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