Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
