He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
