I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
