You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
