there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
