I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
