ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
