There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
