i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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