Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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