True but thats because hes a fetus.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
