Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
