walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
