She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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