I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
