I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
