If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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