so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
