if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
