i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
