dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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