Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
