Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
