I am puke
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
