8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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