i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i think im in europe. pls send help
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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