Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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